My Little Man Sam

When people ask how my life has changed since we met our little Samuel 16 months ago, I tend to get a bit teary. I don't know how exactly to put words to the emotions I have for what we have experienced. There have certainly been ups and downs and a few unknowns. I wrote about some of the emotions tied to that in a post about learning to trust when Sam was just a couple months old. Many more months have passed, and we are still learning to trust every single day, but things feel smoother now. We're more comfortable with the unkowns, and I have no doubt that Samuel is the one teaching us how to trust through those moments.

We don't dismiss the things that make our Samuel a unique, beautiful little boy. He has Down syndrome. That is simply a part of who he is. But it's not all he is, and that's what we focus on each and every day. There was a time when I wondered if I would look into his eyes and not think, "My son has Down syndrome." I don't know when I reached that time, but it has happened. I now look into his big, bright, blue eyes and see so much potential. I see his joy. I see a boy who wants to learn and grow and experience the world as he is meant to experience it.

Who says we're all supposed to experience the world a specific way, anyway? We're each so incredibly unique. I'm excited to see how Sam gets to see the world. I want him to teach me how he experiences each moment. He's already been doing that in so many ways. I'm learning to slow down, to not be so set on a standard timeline of achievement, and to enjoy the process of reaching goals. And then, when the goal is accomplished, to really celebrate. To share with everyone that we've accomplished something spectacular. Something that most of the world may see as ordinary, but to us, through the eyes of my Samuel, it is something truly amazing.

 

And who wouldn't want to experience the world that way? I want to see beauty in simple things. I want to celebrate little moments rather than only making a big deal over the big stuff.

Recently, we've had a lot to celebrate. A few weeks ago, Sam started sitting on his own. He is such a strong boy, but his tummy muscles needed a little more practice with staying up. He gets so excited to sit up and play with toys now, especially when Ella is playing along with him. He is also waving with both hands and clapping. He loves to stand with a little assistance and is getting really good at holding onto objects to stand on his own. He works very hard at physical therapy each week and is doing so well with occupational therapy (his fine motor skills) that he only has to go every few weeks now instead of every week. Soon we'll begin speech therapy, too.

Can I tell you the REALLY exciting thing?! He has said his first word! The greatest thing is what the actual word is. ELLA. Yes, Ella! The first time we heard it, she had just left the room where the two of them were playing. He yelled after her, which sounded like her name, but we weren't sure until he said it a couple more times. Now he says it quite often. Earlier today, Pete got home with Ella after preschool and I said to Sam, "Ella's home!" Right away, he yelled, "ELLA!" It's adorable. I'm still trying to catch it on video. When I do, I'll be sure to post it. 

 We've been blessed in a way we never imagined. That's exactly why we are really celebrating Down Syndrome Awareness this month. If you'd like to learn more about Down syndrome, check out the National Down Syndrome Society resource page. Also, I'll soon be posting links to other blogs and FAQ pages with lots of information on Down syndrome.


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I am currently working on a couple really big projects that I can't wait to share with all of you! They both make me so giddy that I wish I could just tell you everything right now, but I don't feel I would do them justice if I did that. One will be revealed very soon, so check back! The other will take a couple months, but it's going to be BIG.

And no, for all you who are just so curious, neither project includes anything having to do with a baby. (That comment is mostly for you, Mom.)

I hope you're enjoying the fall as much as we are!

All Our Bags Are Packed, We're Ready to Go

That's nearly true. Ella seems to be the most ready of all of us. The poor girl is so excited to leave, she doesn't know what to do with herself! I told her yesterday that she would have four more sleeps and then we would leave. The first thing she said to me this morning when she came out of her room was that she slept four times during the night and she was ready to go. Weeeellll, that's not exactly what I meant. 

photo taken by my friend Zaundia

But now we have three more sleeps, soon to be two. Unbelievable. We're nearly finished packing as of last night. We get to take six 50-pound bags to check, but at the end of our packing we had only filled two. (We prefer to travel light.) So then we got to have fun. Pete and I went to Sam's Club and Target armed with the lists we were given of things the missionaries and nationals have requested than can't easily be purchased in Kenya. We filled our carts with chocolate chips, decaf tea and coffee, almonds, and lots of candy bars and Crystal Light. Then we picked up some baby items from one of the hospitals nearby to fill the remaining bags.

old man Sammy (sweater from Goodwill, onsie by mama)

I find it hard to believe that our bags are already packed. I had hoped this would be the case, but I honestly didn't think we would really be able to do it. The last thing I want is to be crazy stressed and rushed right before we leave. We're steadily making our way through our lists of to-dos, hoping we don't forget anything. I'm trying to keep track of everything we're packing and prepping so that we'll have record of it for our future trips. There really is a lot to think about. Passports need to be accompanied by birth certificates and extra passport photos, just in case. All of those documents need to be copied and saved online so we can access them anywhere. We need to carry some cash, but there are rules about what kind of cash will be accepted in country. For example, bills must be crisp and printed in only the last few years. Our mail needs to be held, but the post office will only hold it for 30 days. Instead, we need to have it forwarded weekly to another address, which is actually better, we've realized, because they can then check through it for important documents. And what about our fish Tyrone and the plant that I have actually managed to keep alive for just over 2 1/2 years? We're so thankful to have friends and family who can help us keep things straight...and alive...while we are away.

loving on the banana cream pie at Duluth Grill

Our journey will begin at the Duluth airport on Sunday at noon. We'll fly to Minneapolis, then to Amsterdam, and finally to Nairobi. It takes about 24 hours in all with layovers. We'll stay the night at the mission guesthouse in Nairobi and then be driven four hours out to Tenwek Hospital where we'll settle into our two-bedroom apartment and begin soaking in all we can. It's hard to even imagine what it will be like. We'll know soon enough!

she loves her hot chocolate with sprinkles

Will you please continue to pray with and for us? Here are a few specific requests:

• We need to finalize everything here at home.
• We'd like to have a day of rest on Saturday so we have the energy and patience necessary for the long journey on Sunday.
• We really don't want to be sick! Ella & Sam both have stuffy noses right now, and we're hoping that is the extent of it. 
• We hope the flights will be smooth for all four of us.
• Our transition into the Kenyan culture will definitely be a big one. We want to remain open and flexible during our first few weeks.
• Pete & I really desire to be strong together during this transition. We've never done anything like this together before. Please pray that we'll be filled with a whole lot of grace for each other and that we'll feel very close to one another.

This is what I've wanted to do my entire life. No joke. The entire thing. Even though that gives me great confidence it what we are about to do, I'm still a bit nervous. I've never been to Africa and I've never done something like this with kids. All I can say is that I am thrilled to live life knowing a God who cares about my family enough to put these dreams on our hearts and make ways for them to happen. I will never stop being amazed.

We will post updates when we are able, so please continue to check back! We'll also be updating our Facebook page, which you can find by clicking HERE.

Blessings, Friends!

Changes in the Kitchen

As I mentioned last week, there are more changes taking place in our house. One question Pete & I are often asked is how we do everything we do. Pete is in residency, which often requires 80 or more work hours a week. I'm in grad school, take care of the house and our family schedule and such, run The Little Yellow Kitchen, and am on leadership with our Mops group. Together, Pete and I teach the six-week premarital counseling class at our church a couple times a year, and we regularly meet with individuals or couples to encourage and support them during challenging times. And, most importantly, we have Ella & Sam. The thing is, we love everything that we do. We flourish in times of busyness. So much can be accomplished! But two months ago I started feeling something wasn't quite right.

rose cake - most requested style

It was about that time I really started struggling to keep the house in order, something that helps me feel that this home is a place of rest rather than a cube of anxiety. I couldn't keep up on laundry or dishes or the mail. I was constantly rushing from place to place and had a hard time focusing on class work when I really needed to. I felt awful when I would forget to return phone calls or emails. And then I got sick. And when mama gets sick, everything stops.

very first batch of cupcakes - August 2010

I had a lot of time to think during my week in the hospital. I couldn't do anything at all. Even writing a simple two-sentence text to my sister was a challenge because my meds made me so tired. It was during that time that I had the first quiet opportunity in a long time to reflect and to ask God what he thought of my life. I don't think that he thought I was way out of line or deliberately ignoring him in any way. But I did feel like he was telling me he has something better for me. And then I remembered the concept of margin.

Margin was something that come up in a book I read while studying with a group at our church last year. You know, like the margins on a piece of paper or along the edge of a page in a book. The margin is blank, empty space. Having margin in life means we have time to breathe, time to soak up the good stuff all around us, and time to simply rest. I went back to the book (The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith) and read the chapter on margin. Three sentences really stood out to me.

When we lack margin, it's our own doing and a sure sign we have stepped outside the kingdom. So be honest and be ruthless with your schedule. Your spiritual, relational, and physical health depend on it.  (Smith, p 130)

This hit me. My crazy full schedule really was my own doing. It was all great stuff, but I know from plenty of personal experience that even if things are good, they aren't nearly as amazing as what God has for me. I really don't want to be outside his kingdom. After praying about it and talking with Pete, I started to realize that, yes, God has better things for me if I follow his direction and make more room in my life.

first fondant designed cake - my favorite

And so, with a full and content heart, but a little sadness as well, I am announcing that I will be closing The Little Yellow Kitchen at the end of December. I have absolutely loved seeing this little hobby turned business take off through the past two years. I'm so glad I seized the opportunity to go after it and see what I could do with my baking. With each project I completed, I was amazed and pleased that I could create something so beautiful. It was fun being a part of so many weddings and parties, special events that people remember for a lifetime. It's been wonderful, and I truly do feel ready to set it aside for now.

My hope is that I won't fill the space with busyness. Instead, I want to slow things down and enjoy small moments. I want to sit and eat lunches with Ella in the nook and focus on Sam's development as he grows. I want margin to be a real thing in my days and to continue to seek God's guidance for what it is he has for me.

first wedding - for my cousin

So farewell, Little Yellow Kitchen. Thank you all for making the kitchen such a special place. It has been a dream. 

Change is in the Air

It's here! The new look! I'm so excited to have a brand new appearance for our Little Olsen blog. I had been hoping to be able to make the changes before heading to Kenya in January, but I had no idea when that could possibly happen. And then I got sick and the time just opened up. Amazing how that works! I'm still adding a few things, particularly writing on each of the pages you see above (the olsens, kenya, links) but that will come with time.  I'm especially happy with how much space the new layout allows for writing and posting larger photos since I am now the happy owner of a Canon Rebel T3i DSLR camera. Pete and I had been looking at nice cameras for years and finally decided that Kenya would the ideal time to have one. Pete surprised me with it for my birthday, which we also say qualifies for my Christmas and graduation present. We're covering all the bases. I've been experimenting with it and am nearly ready to start posting the photos. Yay!

Along with the new look of the blog have come other changes. While I was in the hospital, Pete and I had time to sit and talk through some things weighing heavy on our hearts. At least once a year, the two of us spend a night very intentionally talking through our goals and how our goals line up with our values. We have everything written down so we can go back and see what we've accomplished and remind ourselves of the values we hold as the most important, both individually and as a family. We always start with long-term goals (25+ years), which don't often change, but it gives us perspective as to where we want this journey to end up. Then we do medium-term goals (5 and 10 years) down to short-term (2 years, 1 year, 6 months, and 3 months). By working backward like that, we can make sure that what we're doing right now will help us get to the big stuff. I completely credit Pete with this. I never wrote down my goals before I met him, but he had been doing it for years. It has enabled us to accomplish far more than we would without doing it. It also gives us an opportunity to really pray about each thing and make sure it lines up with our values and where we think God is leading us. We both love dreaming of the future, but we really enjoy seeing things happen right now.

One thing we realized while thinking through everything was that our lives and our house have become far too cluttered. We really desire simplicity, but you wouldn't know it by walking into our house. Yes, it may be cozy, but I was stressing about how hard it was getting to keep it organized. There was just too much stuff. So my amazing husband had some friends come over to help organize big things while I was stuck in bed and then, once I had the energy, we started sorting through things together. I'm terrible (maybe I should put a capital T on that) at going through things on my own because I end up looking through everything and have the hardest time getting rid of things. Pete isn't like that at all. When we work together we can fly through mountains of boxes and clutter. In one week we've decluttered most of the house and donated many boxes of things we just don't use any more. My heart feels happy again. I can breathe and the anxiety of being surrounded by all that stuff is gone.

So that's the house. We're also doing a lot of praying and chatting about what things will look like over the next year with the idea of simplicity encompassing all of our plans. We've got a lot of work to do in that area. Most people wouldn't look at our lives and say they are simple. We do a lot. We run and run and run and we really enjoy it. But it's becoming clear that's just not what God has for us right now. I'm pretty excited about some of the changes on the horizon, but I'll post that later this week. I've got more sorting I want to do this morning before Ella gets home from school.

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Oh! One more change! Last Friday, the first day I was allowed to drive after my surgery, I took Ella on a date to the salon. We were both pretty excited. And look at this darling girl! Afterward we went for chocolate ice cream at Ella's request. Thanks to Amy at E'clips on the Lake for another adorable cut!

A Simple Reminder

 

I was cuddling in bed with Ella this morning when she looked at me and whispered, "You're the best, Mom. Jesus loves you." Simple words spoken with sincerity can go deep. It's good to be reminded of that, especially from a three year old.

This Mama Heart

Oh, my mama heart has been all over the place in the last week. It's hard to even articulate the journey it's been on, but I can feel it immensely right now while I sit working at Starbucks without my sweet little Sammy. I'm trying to be productive, but I keep thinking about him, wondering if he's taking his bottle well or if he's missing his mama. I know he's in wonderfully caring arms, but I still want to be the one holding him. These steps are just hard for a mama with her new baby.

oh, hello, couch

The roller coaster began on Monday evening when we attended our first Down Up North meeting in the basement of an old church on Superior Street. Down Up North is the Duluth area group for families of those with Down syndrome. I was glad that we were able to go through the summer without the expectation of attending a meeting since they don't meet in the summer. I wouldn't have been ready. Yes, I want the support, and I want to meet other families and hear about more resources and such, but my heart just wasn't at a place to take it in. I often forget that my baby carries an extra special chromosome. Right now he's just like every other baby, so it can be tough when I meet others with Down syndrome. Not tough in a bad way, but tough in a way of realizing that there are so many things I don't know yet and so many things I want to be able to do for my Sammy. I want the world to forever see him exactly as I do. In all honesty, it can just be a little scary.

look at this!

So, anyway, we went to this meeting and it was wonderful. As we made our way to the church basement, we were greeted by a couple who led us to a play room where we met six or seven amazing families. Families that are so much like ours. There were even three little blonde haired boys, each right around two years, who melted my heart thinking of where we'll be in two years. They had the sweetest, bright-eyed smiles as their moms introduced them. Ella made herself right at home, showing off to the college girls who spent the meeting entertaining the kids and teaching the younger kids every new trick she could think of. Pete, Sam, and I made our way to a big room where we were able to pull tables together to sit in a big circle. The next couple hours were spent talking about life - our jobs, our families, our experiences with Down syndrome. By the time chairs were being stacked and kids were returned to parents, I didn't know if I was ready to leave. I have so many questions that I want to ask real people, people who have been to doctor visits and school meetings. Real people are a whole lot different than the black and white pages of a book. But I know I can't take everything in at one time. What I took in that night at our first family meeting, though, was incredibly encouraging and very sweet. We're certainly not on this journey alone. And that is good for my heart.

mama, I'm pretty tired

 Another loop in this roller coaster has been the decision to hire a nanny for Ella and Sam. We had a wonderful sitter last year who came two hours most weekdays to be with Ella so I could study. Shelby. Shelby was a junior nursing student and Ella absolutely adored her. Shelby still comes on Tuesday nights so Pete and I can have a date night each week, but her schedule didn't allow her the consistent weekly hours that I've been hoping for. About six weeks ago I began a search for someone who could make this a part-time job to give me time to bake at the kitchen in the afternoons and get in some research for my thesis. Let me tell you, we found a gem. God definitely had a hand in connecting us with Miss Donna. Miss Donna moved to Duluth just last week and will be getting married next month to a business owner here in town. She is sweet, sensitive, creative, gentle, and a grandma. A grandma! Can it get better than that for someone who is going to be spending almost every afternoon with my little ones? Oh, and one more plus. She's Southern. With an accent. That's like icing on the cake. Or sprinkles on the icing. Or a cherry on the sprinkles on the icing, because that's how good she seems. We spoke on the phone and sent emails back and forth before we met yesterday, which made me feel good about the choice to add Miss Donna to the family, but after meeting her in person, I'm quite sure of it. And to be extra sure? As Miss Donna was getting ready to leave yesterday after our first visit, Ella turned and asked, "Mama, can we keep her?" Yes, my love, we can keep her.

oh, my big sister, Ella

It's not been an easy decision to hire someone to be with Ella & Sam in the afternoons, especially since Ella is at preschool every morning. I'll be using the afternoon hours to establish more of a regular baking time to fill orders and to take online decorating technique classes. I know it's good for me to have my own time. I completely understand why lots of mamas (and dads) struggle with the desire to do our own thing while also wanting to spend our time with our little ones.

she thinks it funny to tickle my nose

So I did it. My biggest accomplish of the day was that I was able to leave my little Sammy with Miss Donna and have alone time at Starbucks to write and do some school work and get a little kitchen business done. It was not easy. My heart longed for him even before I walked out the door. It was good he was sleeping when I left or I probably wouldn't have been able to do it. When I get home, I'm going to cuddle up with both my babes.

oh, this is the best

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We're just over a week away from the Step Up for Down Syndrome walk with Sammy's Superheroes! I plan to make their costumes this Sunday so we'll be ready for the big day. We're getting so close to our team goal of $2,000! If you're still thinking about donating to Sammy's team, just click on the button on the right side of blog. Whether you're able to give or not, we would love to have you join us for the walk. We'll be meeting at the DECC at 12:30 on Sunday, September 30 where there will be snacks and big bouncy houses for the kiddos. At 1:30 we'll all be walking through Canal Park. It's nothing strenuous. We'll keep our own pace and have a great time, no matter the weather! Dress like a superhero if you're feeling adventurous! We certainly are! Feel free to let me know if you have any questions.

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Miss Ella decided to finish my workout with me yesterday. Look at her form! Pretty sure it's better than mine. 

Happy Thursday!